So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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