I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
