Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
porn star boner night. come get it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
