also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
