TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
