meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
