you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
