I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
how does that bad decision feel?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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