The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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