i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
