Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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