Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
