Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I've blown a few things in my day
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
