Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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