Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
