I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
