you didnt know i had herpes?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
