good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
