Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
