I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
