She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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