is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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