I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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