I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
