The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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