It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
