I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
