my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
