I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
