We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
