I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
