you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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