just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
