i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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