I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
