checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
