"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
