i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You are a genius and a whore.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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