i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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