i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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