Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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