what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
