I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
