Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
