These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
