She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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