I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
