Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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