Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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