I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
