Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
