omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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