i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
